Thursday, June 26, 2014

End of June Update

I thought I would update on how things are going.

I have taken Evie to several doctor/dentist appointments.  She now has dental surgery scheduled in July to have work done on NINE teeth (crowns or fillings).  It makes me really sad.  She can't have many more than 18 teeth total in her whole mouth.  The teeth are black, and it was obvious to me when I first brushed her teeth that they had cavities.  Obviously, no one has ever bothered to look in her mouth before.  She constantly asks to chew gum, so she probably was allowed to chew gum all the time, and I doubt it was sugarless. 

She has a 3-year old brother (J) who is with another foster family.  Several weeks ago, he came over and spent the day with us.  It was all fine, until the end of the day.  Evie had asked if he was spending the night, and I said he would be going home after dinner.  So at the time I started to fix dinner, she started crying, culminating in uncontrollable crying on the way home.  Then one day last week, she went and spent a couple of nights with J's foster family.  It was my birthday week, and I had a glorious day full of sleeping in, a movie with popcorn, a massage, and an ice cream sundae for dinner!  Now she will be going with his foster family on vacation all of next week.  I get the impression that Bio Mom kind of invited Evie on the trip; and feel bad that Other Foster Mom (OFM)might feel guilted into taking Evie.  But I also have to remember that OFM is a big girl and could have said no if she really wanted to.  It wasn't my idea, and I really had nothing to do with it. 

Evie talks to Mom every night on the phone.  (I would love to hear from other foster parents if this is typical.)  The investigator that brought her here the first night said it was okay for her to talk to Mom, and it ended up evolving into this.  Originally she was talking to her for about 5 minutes on the way to daycare in the mornings, and 15-20 minutes every night.  Then I had used all of my cell phone plan minutes within the first 15 days of the 30 day cycle, and I had to say that we could only do five minute conversations on the weeknights and longer on the weekend nights when I have unlimited minutes.  I thought Mom had been less animated and with a little bit of an attitude on the phone in the last week or so.  Tonight when Evie was talking to her she said (after a visit with Mom and J today) that J wasn't crying when they left today; Mom said, "That's because OFM lets J talk to me for a long time on the phone."  Grrr...

In the last week or two, Evie has had increased bouts of uncontrollable crying about minor things.  For example, we were over at my friends' house for cake for my birthday.  My friend told Evie that we could take some cake home with us, but ended up not giving us any when we left.  On the way home, Evie asked if I had the cake.  I said no, and she ended up bursting into tears saying, "But she said she was going to give us some cake!!"  I know that it is not really about the cake, and that emotions are just on the surface from being separated from Mom, but now I have started wondering if it is such a good idea for Evie to be talking to mom every night if it is stirring up emotions.  Evie went to a counseling appointment today (the first one), and I had the caseworker ask her that very question; but the counselor said she would have to talk with her supervisor. 

I am trying to get her into the 4k program at the public school as she definitely has some academic delays and gaps that need to be filled.  I have been waiting on her immunization record and birth certificate (I finally got them today), but think the school is closed tomorrow.  I don't know that she will still be with me when school starts, but I figure that maybe if I get her accepted into the program, that the family may be more apt to transfer her registration to their home school. 

As far as how long she will be with me, since that is the question that everyone asks... the answer is that I have no clue.  The next court date is July 11, so for sure Evie will be with me until then.  The caseworker had told me a couple of weeks ago that Mom only had one thing left on her treatment plan and that the appointment was already set, so I figured she may have everything together to get the kids back at the court date.  But when I asked the caseworker the other day about it, she said that Mom still has to find a new place to live, and that will take more time; and that Evie would go to stay with her aunt and uncle (they are in the process of home study to be licensed to get the kids as a relative placement) before she would go back with Mom. 

That's my life in a nutshell.  It will be awfully quiet around here next week without all the questions while Evie is gone on vacation with her brother's foster family...

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